No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot figure out the dilemma of time. It eludes me, always just out of reach and it haunts and taunts me, a cunning thief of my waning energy. I know it’s been said that you find time for that which you find important…and I do.
And yet.
And yet, here I sit, for the past 6 hours, grading, planning, creating, reading, writing…and I’m still not even close to being done. This isn’t another tiresome lamenting of how hard teachers have it. No, I don’t mind putting in the time; this work of the past 30 years is like sweet, beautiful oxygen to me. What I do mind is the feeling that I am still. not. finished. Which if you follow the road signs, means I will not be ready for tomorrow…I will not reach my destination.
But just like every other day, I will silently concede defeat. And here is where I admit that I’m feeling drained by repeatedly falling short…missing the mark. I think it has something to do with being on the downward side of 50 and feeling as though a light is beginning to dim. My time spent in this space is almost over; a sense of urgency wraps itself tightly around me, urging me to do more…be more. And I will. I will. I will.
I am there with you. I’ve had flu and complications for 3 weeks. Add health and I don’t have a minute to get it all done. Cheering you on!
Thinking about you as we ALL try to find balance.. 🙂
Wow. I hear you. That is a lot. It’s important for you to have time and care for yourself too, yet I know that feeling of not being able to do it all. Our work is so important, which makes it hard to let go of some things. I hope you can find a way to find some balance, but until then I hear you!
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Give yourself some grace. You are enough just like you are. Be present in the space of this moment and relish in its craziness. Why not?
TIME and I have been in opposite corners all my life. (LOVE your boxing ring picture!) I have learned that when TIME runs out (or “wins”), it is important to look back and see what you have done with the TIME you had. Although it may not be as much as you had wished, it is always a LOT. And there is more TIME to come tomorrow. So you are the real winner, always. Keep going!
What has been a game changer for me has been stopping to consider who is doing the work? (Burkins and Yaris) Also thinking that I shouldn’t spend more time planning that it will take to deliver. Just thinking about when we create perfect polish what does that say to our students about attempts. As you can see from my blog writing, my tweets, and my practice, I’m living balance more every day. Just going for it. Planning yes, but laboring less. Thoughts to consider. Hope you can give yourself peace.